I relinquish the pen.

I have been reading a book lately called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by one of my favorite authors Donald Miller, and it got me thinking about comfort. Exactly what does it mean to be comfortable? and Who is in charge of my comfort? Does God want me to be comfortable?

Maybe I'll define some terms first; I want to call comfort that thing that makes you feel good about life. You know what to expect; you can see what is about to happen next so that you can be prepared for it.

Donald Miller, in his book puts it in terms of a story. Relating the elements of a story to our lives. In this way he relates some heavy topics, and some that I know I struggle with sometimes and that I believe a lot of people do as well. Donald says that naturally we feel like we are the authors of our story, when that is exactly not the case. God is the author, we are the main character in the story that God is trying to write with our lives. And like many main characters, as many of writers can tell you, sort of have a way of making their own decisions, leading the story that the author doesn't necessarily intend for it go. I hope you can see the commonalities that this is going to hold as I discuss life. I don't know about you, but I often find myself making decisions, taking control of my surroundings. Doesn't the world tell us that the way to fulfillment is to take control? I think that one's overall mental and emotional health is generally better if he/she is making their own decisions; writing their own story, rather than allowing another person have total control over their story. I think I've lived that one to some extent, giving up authorship to someone else. But inherently that cannot work well. How can another person have your best interests in mind as well as their own best interests? They can't. And at some point along the way you realize the setting and surroundings of your story are completely infamiliar to yourself. That's when I decided to stage a coup for authorship of my own life; which, through a series of paradigm shifting experiences, I came to realize that I wasn't the author. I'm the main character. Not only that, but I had relinquished authorship to the supporting cast of the story. It can't be a good thing to have a story driven by the side character of the story, it would be the hardest story to follow, and frankly, I think most people reading it would give up on it all together.

Back to reality for a second, it is human nature, I believe, to seek out steadyness, commonality with the surrounding. I think that we as humans enjoy comfort not because it is the true longing of our souls but because it is the closest substitute that we can create on our own. By that, I mean that we have control over our comfort and we can provide ourselves comfort by taking control. However, I believe the true longing of the human soul is the peace of God. And by that I mean the total trust that God is going to write a masterpiece with your life.

Imagine the most beautiful sight you've ever seen. Imagine the sight that gives you tingles all over, and makes you cringe. God created that, and created you in His image so that you might enjoy that scene the way that He enjoys that scene. I consider myself to be a fairly creative person, but I wouldn't be able to create something as beautiful as the Aurora Borealis, or even the sunset over Central Texas that I was present for last year. God is the most creative thing that I can even imagine. I don't even come close, and with that I relinquish my pen.

As I was saying, I believe the true longing of the human soul to be the peace of God. However, there is a pretty good substitute for that, and one that we can create on our own, comfort. So I think there are two things that must happen to get from self-authorship of our story to GOD-authorship of our story. One, being the paradigm shift that I am not the author of my story, but the main character. And as such, I can have control of where my story goes and what happens, but ultimately I don't have the bigger picture. I can only see my immediate surroundings, and just like the tool of irony that many authors use, there are many things happening in my story that the character is totally unaware of. It's like when you're watching a movie, and the scene pans around the corner of a building, and the viewers are aware of the burglar hiding in the alley, but the character does not have that view and cannot foresee the scene that is about to take place. So just the realization, that I am in many ways in control of many things in and around myself, I am most certainly not in total control. There must be something else, some other author.

Secondly, one must make the realization that God, the author, desires our story to be a masterpiece. And we must give up control, allow God to write our story. It's like this, I can control my own comfort much of the time. And much of the time comfort seems to be a really good substitute for what I long for. But it's simply that, a substitute. And it is usually those times in our lives where we lose control, when the pen falls out of our hands that we make these realizations. I picture it like this: Imagine yourself. Now imagine the pen that is writing your life as a story being the size that God (being the author) would use. I think the instrument would be extremely unweildy. I think I could get a few words written down, maybe a paragraph or two. But I think the thing would eventually fall over, tumble out of my grip. And that is usually when we see the Author pick up the pen, and we make the realization that we can't write the story because we're not meant to, we're not the author. And this is when God says to us, I am the Author and I am the only perfect author. I don't make mistakes. I don't wad the bad ones up and throw them away. I make masterpieces again and again and again.

And that is when the true longing of our souls is realized, not that I need to be comfortable with my surroundings and in control and seeing everything that is coming. But that I trust in a God that writes beautifully, that will write my life to be a masterpiece. And that trust is followed by a sense of peace.

God, I am not a good author. I'd rather you do the writing.