Noise

I pressed play on my ipod as I drove the twenty minutes into town. Its been fairly warm lately and I rolled down the windows. I turned up the volume a few notches as the wind whipped in the windows. I still couldn't make out the music, so I turned it up again, and again a few minutes later. The car I was following down the road slowed to turn off, and I, too, slowed so I would not rear-end him. In that moment, the wind ceased to blow through the windows and a sudden rush of music blared through the speakers so loud that I quickly reached for the volume, and it still was not music; I couldn't even comprehend any of it. Back to driving, I experienced the same sensation a couple more times on the short trip. By the time I reached Wal-Mart, at least six songs had played, and I don't remember any of them.

It seems this phenomenon happens in life much the same way. I've been feeling, lately, a pull to a new place, maybe a new ministry and I have been trying so hard to listen to where it is that God is leading me. But with all the intent listening, I feel as though there is wind whipping through the windows, making it impossible to hear the words. So intently, I turn up the volume; I focus harder and try to make specific time available to quiet life away. And yet even in the quiet morning, I hear and feel the draw of temptation, the press of fear and pressure. All these things just culminating in noise beating through the windows as I drive down the road. Work is busier than ever, and to add to it, work is also more stressful than ever.

So when I try to stop it all and listen, I find that I'm listening so intently and so fervently that the response I hear is just as loud. And it beats on my head like a migraine. I'm crippled by the noise. The blaring radio that I've been trying so hard to hear through the wind has only added to the noise, and the feelings of guilt and my fears of failure flow in and further drive me down.

God, I pray for peace. I pray for calm. I want to know You and Your will for me. Give me Your presence to turn down the noise and the patience to hear Your voice.